i see myself and i see nothing


in this room

where everything rests

things never move

but they slowly change –

form.

I am one of it?

the me that was 2 years ago, i see nowhere

this time for once, I’m happy not to see her

things have changed

my heart, my soul have been through the ringer

on the otherside, it seems like things are going to be fine

I’m going to do more than survive

the people, the places, so many broke me down – these last couple years

i realised i gave my heart away when it wasn’t requested

they were frivolous.

Now, I know better

I keep it close, along my ribcage, make sure, it’s beating –

for me.

With all that pain,

I sometimes keep it hidden

bring it out

to see if the scars have healed.

these days when i see myself, i see nothing

i don’t think that’s bad at all

i’ve made my peace

managed my expectations

there’s no point giving a precious thing away

when they don’t appreciate it.

instead i thrive

i don’t wait around for them to realise anymore

my heart, it is mine,

it beats solely for my existence

i have come to appreciate it.

my heart it’s been kind, a bit softer that the world would like

but it’s learning, that muscle is toning

to see through this capricious world.

some days it feels a bit lonely hanging on the right side of things,

but it is so much better than trying so hard

to be there for people

when i can be there for myself more.

in this room

where everything rests

things never move

but they slowly change –

form.

me, i’m becoming more me than what i see.

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